**Originally published on my first website which is closed. Though my mom is thankfully in remission, the sentiments here are still valid.


My mom has cancer. Cancer. That's my boogeyman. The monster hiding under the bed, my nightmare. Cancer. When my doctors found precancerous polyps a few years ago, I ended up having to face the boogeyman. To know that he might be waiting for me some day. That's hard. Then I found out about mom's cancer. I just can't make sense of it. She has Lung and Pancreatic Cancer.

She doesn't deserve it.

I have a special relationship with both of my parents, each different from the other and each one equally important to me. Now one of the most important people in my life is being attacked by an internal monster that I can do nothing about or to help defeat. Cancer is torturous not only to the person with it, but to everyone that cares about that person.

My mom. It's so bittersweet to sit here and write this. Partly smiling with memories and partly tearing up with the knowledge of what she's going through and what she might face for treatments.

But, here's to my mom. Let me introduce you to her some, as much as I can describe how she is.

She's mom in every sense of the word. From baking cookies to playing games, reading stories (Little Red Riding Hood about a thousand times. You know after hearing it just a few you are about insane but she read it over and over for me as it was my favorite). She would bandage my "boo boos" and comfort me when I was sick like only mom can (no offense to dad). I could talk to her about everything.

She didn't yell and scream at me when I messed up. Like the time she came upstairs, opened my door and found the room covered in powder. (well, I had discovered that when I set down the powder, it poofed like a powder volcano, which was cool. So I Poofed the hell out of that powder. Not trying to make a mess and not even noticing that it was, just a kid thing to do.)

My mom is kooky, must be where I get it, and fun. She'll dance the Can-Can with her sisters, play practical jokes, laugh til she tears up while playing the old ET or Joust and just enjoy life. She gets a kick out of Animal Crossing too, I love to hear her laugh when we play.

And oh boy does she have some stories to tell about her and her sisters and their mishaps. One that comes to mind was when they were teens and my grandfather was asleep on the couch taking a nap. They took the opportunity to put his leg hairs in bobby pins. lol.

Mom is my best friend. She's beautiful (though she doesn't believe it), witty, smart, creative, a great cook, fun and fun-loving, and just a great woman.

I can't lose her. I just can't.

Mom:

"Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you." ~Wind Beneath My Wings

I love you so much.

Your Daughter,
punkin (yes this is how we spell it as a special thing)

Your mom .....so awesome. Would have loved to know her, but at least I know her a little bit through your remembrance of her.